ambition · book · journal · mum · writing

Lazy ambition – I will write a book!

So those of you who know me well will know how badly I want to write a book. I bang on about it every now and then. I always say that if I die before I get a book published, I will be turning in my grave. So I’m seizing this maternity opportunity to get this shit done!

I have tried to start writing a book sooooo many times. The amount of notepads I’ve owned throughout my life with novel ideas and book planning written on the first few pages and then I’ve given up. Then I’d buy a new notepad and I’d start the process again. I have a serious obsession with writing in a new notepad… don’t get me started. Only my husband and my mum know the true extent of my notepad obsession. I have a box of new notepads with only something written on the front page. Once it’s written in, I no longer want it, but I can’t bare to get rid of it because it has a pretty cover. So I’ll buy a new one and add it to my collection. When I lived at home with mum, she used to keep my old-but-not-old-basically-brand-new pads I didn’t want anymore and she’d use them as shopping list paper or scrap paper. If ever I wanted some paper to write on she’d tell me to look in the notepad box, but it would revolt me they they’d been torn apart… so I’d buy a new pad.

Anyway… getting a tad carried away at the thought of notepads.

So I’ve got a novel plan. I’m feeling very pleased with it! Unfortunately my poor husband has to deal with me constantly pestering him to read through my plan or my drafts and I’m forcing him to pretend to be interested otherwise… well he’d be a shitty husband wouldn’t he!? I’m kidding – he’s pretty supportive of my dream to write a book. He shows very little interest as I talk him through my story plot, he’s usually looking at his phone playing a game whilst I enthusiastically rant about it. He will occasionally look up and say “Yes babe, very good!” with that I’m-pretending-to-care look. That’s good enough for me haha! To be fair to him, it is a chick-lit style novel, so it really doesn’t interest him in any way shape or form. I unfortunately don’t have the imagination to create a Harry Potter or Game of Thrones type of fantasy novel, including dragons and goblins and all those sort of things that would interest him more. Unless it’s two goblins that meet and fall in love forever then it’s not coming from me! Hmm… Goblins that fall in love?? Has that been done before?? *Adds to the novel ideas list*

Writing is the easy part for me. I can get quite lost in typing once I have a plan, but it’s actually thinking of the plan that I find really hard. I am so desperate to write a book, sometimes I can feel like I’m forcing myself to think of a story line and that’s when I think I can easily give up on writing it, because I have no passion for the plot I suppose. I get so envious of my favourite authors such as Carole Matthews and Jill Mansell, who have such amazing books that I enjoy every single time I read them. All I think is how I’d love to be just like that – their writing style is so amazing and I fall so deeply into their books! I’d love to be able to do that to someone when they read my book. To take them away from reality or to give them something to make them forget about their own life stresses, just the same way a Carole Matthews novel does for me.

Writing a book does take a lot of time and a lot of dedication and this is why I think maybe now is a good time to give it a crack! I’m on maternity leave until January next year, I know being a new mum will take a lot of my time too but, at least I won’t be working full time, stressing about work. That’s when I find it hard to write because my brain is too stressed out. I keep googling online things like “How to plan a novel” or “How long should I spend writing a novel” and I’ve decided that I think I’m getting so carried away with trying to do it the right way rather than just doing it my way. I so badly want to write a book that actually becomes successful, that I am losing the true reason why I want to write a book, and that’s just simply because I want to. Not to become famous from it (although that would be a bonus), I mean it would be great to make a little money from a book, but for me, I think to just be able to hold in my hands an actual book with a cover, that I have written…well that would just be awesome!

I think nowadays it’s so easy for people to self publish a book, usually an e-book, which isn’t actually printed on paper and made into the form of a book. I get that in this day and age it’s much more popular to have a kindle to read than it is to actually purchase books. I do have a kindle, just because I found it made me commit to reading more often because it was more convenient for me. Despite this, I do prefer an actual book. There’s no better feeling than choosing your next book. It’s a little bit like my notepad obsession. I get attracted by a cover more than I do the actual plot to be honest. If it’s a pretty floral looking, modern chick-lit then it’s got my attention straight away, and then I’ll read the blurb and if it’s a lovey-dovey book then I’m more than likely going to buy it. Now that I have a kindle, I have lost this enjoyment a little bit. Instead I have a habit of taking a picture of the front cover and getting it on my kindle later. When in a charity shop or book shop, I’ll still have a little look through and then yeah…take pic for later basically. I’d still be a book person I think if I wasn’t such a quitter. I used to get my book out every single night without fail and read before I’d go to sleep. Ever since I started full time work, this diminished more and more. I was just to exhausted to read, even just holding the book would tire out my arms and I couldn’t get comfortable. Now that I have a kindle, I’m not sure why but it has made me read more again. I think it’s a combination of being able to get a book easily and I also find it easier to hold in bed. I like to lie down when I read and because it’s so lightweight, it doesn’t fall on my face or fall to one side with the weight of the pages like a book used to. It used to ache my fingers trying to grasp the book in the correct position when I was lying on my side. Stupid I know… but this small detail is what made me quit reading. This made me sad because I’d always loved reading in bed, because it totally took me away from how shitty my day might of been.

So here goes… I have a novel plan. I have more time on my hands this year. I am determined to make this my year of getting a book published. Or at least writing more than just one chapter of a book! If anyone out there has any great, top tips to successfully writing a book, please share!

I think I’m going to need to buy a new notepad for the occasion!


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